Jokes of the day

Posted: July 18, 2012 in coco jokes, jimmy fallon

Yahoo’s new CEO Marisa Mayer is 6-months pregnant. Apparently she was able to hide her pregnancy by only posting it on Yahoo.

Apple has announced it’s gonna be unveiling a new smaller iPad that they say is aimed at women. Not to be outdone, Amazon announces it’s gonna soon unveil the vibrating kindle.

The Knicks let Jeremy Lin go to the Houston Rockets. If that weren’t bad enough – they had Jason Kidd drive him to the airport.

During last night USA-Brazil basketball game, president Obama gave Mitchell Obama a kiss when they were shown on the kiss cam. It was cute. It explains why everyone’s like: quick, put him on the fix-the-economy cam.

When Mitt Romney was in charge of the Salt Lake City Olympics, some of the uniforms were made in Burma. That is ridiculous, you don’t make American uniforms in Burma, you make them in China.

A group of protesters crashed a van into Microsoft’s headquarters in Athens. When they heard van crashed, Microsoft was like: we make vans?

A United Airlines passenger filed a complaint after a maintenance man dropped super glue on her head on a flight to Houston. I don’t know what’s scarier that a passenger got super glue on her head or the United fix their planes with super glue.

The federal government is planning to close the largest medical marijuana store in the world. It shouldn’t be hard since the owner has forgotten to open it for like 5 years.

A high school in Indiana is requiring every student to buy an iPad instead of using textbooks, that’s nothing, in China they are requiring every student to make an iPad instead of using textbooks.

The CEO of T-Mobile resigned so that he can spend more time with his family. He actually resigned 3 years ago but the text just went through.

Campaign update: president Obama said Americans need someone who will wake up every single day and fight for their jobs. Then he said until you find the guy, I’m still your best choice.

The Heat had a great plan for getting Lebron to play better in the 4th quarter: telling him there was a 5th quarter.

Speaking of Lebron James, he revealed he just finished reading all 3 books in the Hunger Games trilogy. The bad news is he did last night during the 4th quarter.

A new survey found out that only 31% of the Americans would want to sit next to Mitt Romney on a flight. Romney was so upset he was like: I don’t understand, how would they get on my private jet?

There was a big Twitter outage in the US today. Or people at work put it: well guess I’d better get back to Facebook.

China will send its first female astronaut into space, which sounds pretty awesome until you hear that cos her parents already have a boy.

A restaurant in Texas is rewarding customers who place their order in Spanish with a free pizza, while the restaurant in Arizona is rewarding customers who do that with a free trip back to Mexico.

Scientists are testing a robotic lifeguard that wave with the swimmer until help arrives. So you can slowly be electrocuted while you drown.

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